How to Speak with Vets

I was asked by my friend Ed Tick author of WAR AND THE SOUL to give him some of my thoughts on a chapter he is working on in his new book, the chapter title is “How to Speak with Vets”

“How to Speak with Vets”

No one can speak to vets if they haven't listened to vets. The kind of listening is with more then the ears and mind, it is what you Ed Tick might call soul listening. Many can hear the facts, assess the circumstances and analyze the difficulty and then come up with a game diagram, program or treatment plan. It is the unusual listener who has taken the time needed to hear why soldiers can’t talk about war. If one has listened long enough, opened themselves enough, they may learn to pick up the subtle tones of the oblique tenor of war. It is also important to understand what is being said in the punctuating silences. Souls speak to each other in many ways other than words. Silences’ are often the most articulated statements and if heard as simply empty moments one has missed the message. Taking time, tolerating silences, waiting, witnessing, and staying in the room, are tools a vet therapist needs to know well. It has so much more to do with not speaking then speaking. If the vet feels heard, if a vet feels safe, if a vet feels not judged, if a vet feels honored, he may let you speak to him.

Ed the part that you may not be able to see could be honor. You do honor vets. Honor is a shape sword and cuts through many layers of the “Gordian Knots” of war. It is one of the strands of brotherhood that soldiers have between them. It is a doorway that civilians are allowed through. Honor is part of the fabric of identity. Please let me know how you might feel about how this subject.